Together.

A few weeks ago, Max and I stood on a little bamboo bridge overlooking a river in Laos and watched a flock of ducklings swim passed. He pointed them out to me and said "look, it's a family." "How do you know it's a family?", I asked him. "Because they're together", he said.

For 9 weeks, we took "together" to a new level. We travelled together, we ate together, we swam together, we experienced things together, and we just existed...together. More than anything else, that is what will anchor the memories of this trip for me. Elephants and snakes and villages and zip-lines were incredible as individual experiences, but it was the way we reinforced the nuts and bolts of our family that made the journey what it was.

We've been home for one week, and I've already seen how easy it is to fall into our familiar patterns and routines. Our day to day life doesn't allow for a lot of togetherness. Work days run into the dinner hour, sports schedules run into the bedtime hour, and social plans pull us all into different orbits that only sometimes intersect. Our lives are full of great things and people, but I am really missing the unscheduled and uninterrupted time we had on our trip. Even with the best of intentions, it's hard to recreate now that we're home.

I have realized that togetherness is going to take work. It's going to mean saying no to things we really want to do. It's going to make me feel like I'm letting other people down sometimes. It's going to mean people will have to wait longer for me to respond to their emails. It's going to mean pushing pause on my Netflix show to have a conversation, even when I've been talking to people all day long and just need to be quiet. And I have no doubt that all of the sacrifices and adjustments will be 100% worth it. Like those little ducklings in Laos, we just have to stick together.

Doing Time in Vietnam

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I don't pay a lot of attention to history. If it happened longer than 10 minutes ago and wasn't reported in People magazine, chances are I'm not going to win that round of Trivial Pursuit. But when I go to a place where there is an important story about the people and culture, I like to know about that story.

I obviously knew a war took place involving America and Vietnam, but I couldn't have told you who we were fighting for or against and why. (I guarantee my dad and my Uncle Bill just let out simultaneous groans of disappointment as they were reading this). By the time we touched down in Hanoi after a 2 hour flight and a thorough Lonely Planet history lesson, I was feeling pretty dejected about what went down at the hands of America and a little bit nervous about how the people of Vietnam were feeling about that now. While I didn't have a chance to really dig into the national psyche with the locals, nobody egged us or called us names that we understood, so I took that as a good sign. What is clear from conversation, artwork and history itself is that the Vietnamese are incredibly resilient and proud of how hard they've fought centuries of invaders to finally claim their own land and government.

Hoa Lo Prison, aka "The Hanoi Hilton"

Given my aforementioned historical ignorance, I also didn't know much about the Hoa Lo Prison before we strolled in there. The prison was built by the French during their occupation in the late 1800s to show the Vietnamese revolutionaries who's boss. It was later used to imprison captured POWs, including John McCain, who spent more than 5 years there. It's the kind of place where you can feel the energy of torture and pain in the walls, similar to what I remember feeling when visiting concentration camps in Europe.

A prison cell at Hoa . Photo cred: Dylan

As we were looking at the photo of McCain's capture, an American man nearby started chatting with us. It turns out that his father was also a POW and spent 6 years at Hoa Lo. His first 22 months there were spent in isolation. 22 months in isolation. In a cell with no natural light with his feet shackled at one end, where the floor sloped downward so that his head was always filled with blood, an added layer of torture. These are things you can read about, I'm sure, but hearing it from the son of this man, while standing in the very place it happened, made the story of this prison and the war particularly vivid. He remembers being a 12-year old boy and finding out that his dad's plane had been shot down over a rice field. 6 years later, he found out his father was alive when he was released. He's spent a considerable part of his life researching and documenting the stories of the POWs at Hoa Lo. I don't know this man's name, but he left a deeper impression on my historical knowledge than any middle school history teacher I had.

The photo of McCain's capture

I have a feeling when my kids get to the lesson on the Vietnam War in school at some point, they're going to retain a lot more than I did, purely for having the sensory context of standing in the places that these events took place. They might even have the good sense to raise their hands and say something like "...actually, in Vietnam, they call it the American War".

What the Kids Noticed...
(Tyler) I was scared to look in the doors because I didn't know if there was a real skeleton or plastic. Any type of skeleton scares me except paper ones or fake ones. I was about to take a picture through the hole in a door and then I saw a head in the phone. It was so creepy. The prison is impossible to escape except some people did but they didn't tell us how. How did they get out of the door and into the sewer? I think they went into the sewer under their bed. Only really skinny guys could do it. I feel like the prisoners must have been bored and painful. Bored because there was nothing to do except talk and painful because their feet were trapped in a cuff most of the day.

The sewer that a handful of prisoners escaped through

(Dylan) We went to a prison. We saw statues of people in the prison. It looked painful. Some of the women had babies when they were in prison. They stayed in cuffs all day. They didn't get to eat a lot. They were very hungry. The prison guards did not treat them well. They had to dress in certain clothes and there were different types of clothes. They looked bored because they didn't have anything to do except talk to each other and lay down. It looked scary.

(Max) I saw the thing where they cut off your head (the guillotine). And on TV I saw a house that can explode (a display on Americans bombing Hanoi during the war). And we saw beds (where prisoners slept). There were people who escaped through an underground thing (a sewer). So basically people broke the bars and they escaped. The bars were kind of like fences.

Guillotine

The Lowdown on Laos (Sara)

I didn’t have many expectations for Laos before we arrived, so just about everything we experienced there was a very pleasant surprise. 

Getting There
From Chiang Rai, in the north of Thailand, we drove to the Lao border, crossed the Friendship bridge into Laos, and then boarded a boat that would take us down the Mekong River for 4 hours. The prospect of 4 hours on a boat with my kids was at first terrifying, but we were all excited by the boat itself, the scenery around us, and the journey overall. We’d cruise past fisherman on long skinny canoes, herds of water buffalo cooling off along the banks of the river, kids swimming and hints of village life up in the mountains. It was a first impression of peacefulness and a laid-back Lao life that would be seen throughout our time there.

Pakbeng
The boat ride ended in Pakbeng, a common stopping point for travelers on the slow boat en route to Luang Prabang. We were only there for a night, so the hotel was all we saw, but it also had that chill vibe, cold beers, and a beautiful view of the river and sun setting over the mountains.

Where we Stayed:
Sanctuary Pakbeng Lodge - Beautiful views, really nice lodge-like rooms with exposed timber beams and views of the river. This was the first time we realized there’s a french influence in Laos from the time it was French occupied, and there’s a certain level of formality in their service. Also, great baked goods in the morning for breakfast.

Muang La
The next morning, we continued our journey with a 3-hour drive to Muang La, further east into the mountains. Muang La is fairly remote and not somewhere i’d necessarily go on vacation, mostly because of the travel time required to get to and from. For the purpose of this trip as life experience and not just leisure travel I think it was worth it, even just for the experience of being in such a remote place and enduring a certain level of discomfort along the way. The roads in this part of the country are terrible. They wind around the mountains with steep unguarded drop-offs to the valley below, and most of the roads are unpaved or full of potholes from the brutal rainy season. We did half day excursions while we were there, first taking a hike to a waterfall, and then to visit some nearby villages. We had seen about 10 villages throughout Thailand and Laos by this point though, so we had pretty much lost interest in any cultural aspect of village life and focused entirely on seeking out the cutest animals we could find.

Where we Stayed:
Muang La Lodge - Another scenic lodge-like setting, this time situated on a shallow stretch of river containing pockets of natural hot springs. The hotel had a hot spring just outside it’s gates and would pump spring water into its enclosed hot tubs at the resort each day. The water was so hot that we could never go in it, but it was nice in concept. There was a bamboo bridge that crossed over to a small island where there was a pool and a family of goats. Water buffalo would wander down to the river in the morning or evening, and Lao kids would splash around on the river stones after coming home from school. After a couple of days, we took our cues from the locals and explored the river, stopping short of lathering up our hair and bathing there, which we saw some of the Lao girls doing. The food was exceptionally good and, again, there was a really nice European quality and sophistication in their guest services.

Luang Prabang 
From Muang La, it was a long drive, 2 separate legs on river boats (this time smaller and without beds to stretch out on), followed by another long drive to get us into Luang Prabang around 7pm. I would be happy to not repeat that kind of travel day again, with or without kids. But the prize at the end was a good one. Luang Prabang was another unexpected delight. It’s considered a large city in Laos, but feels more like a small town, with a bustling main street, bikeable roads, and a range of shops and restaurants from night market knick knacks to higher end fashion and textiles. This part of the trip ranked high on my all-time favorites and I would have loved to stay longer.

Where we Stayed:
Satri House - used to be the palace of a prince and definitely had a regal feel with a mix of colonial and Lao style in the rooms and grounds. It was a short walk to the main street in town, had free bikes that we made good use of, included a really nice breakfast, and on the last night we were there, a BABYSITTER! The only downside to this hotel was that every other person that stayed there was whisper quiet, so we got a lot of dirty looks for our high-volume approach to living.

What we Did:
Oct Pop Tok - This living crafts center was co-founded by 2 women, a Brit and a Lao, who wanted to create a sustainable and fair trade textile market. They now employ women from villages all over Lao, train them in new techniques, ensure they are compensated fairly for their trade, and educate the public on the art of textiles. And it really is an art. We learned about silk production, natural dye techniques, the loom, and designing the intricate patterns that are woven by hand for scarves, wall hangings, and bags. One of the founders, Jo, was our host for our visit, and the kids had an amazing time trying their hand at each step in the process.

Kuang Si Waterfall - The kids and I went here on our own because Jon was home with something that turned out to not be malaria (thankfully). The limestone rocks and brilliant blue color of the water looked like a movie set. It was GORGEOUS. It was also brimming with Chinese tourists, but the further up the levels of waterfall we went, the more it thinned out and you could really enjoy the majestic views. I’ve seen a lot of waterfalls on this trip, but this really stood out. Also, there’s a bear rehabilitation enclosure at the entrance to the park, so that was a fun added bonus.

Walking, Biking, Blessings, etc. - We loved wandering around this town, popping in and out of shops, strolling through the night market, biking in a fashion that would be considered unsafe and possibly illegal in America, and sprinkling in a few other cultural things, like a Baci ceremony in the home of a local family and giving alms to monks at sunrise. We also found a great coffee shop that served bagels with cream cheese, so that became our go-to lunch spot and a welcome break from Asian food.

Overall Impressions

Luang Prabang was a definite win. The first boat trip was an amazing journey and view into rural Laos. The travel in between was a little tough and we probably could have done without Muang La as an individual component of the trip, but when you add it all together, it created a really well-rounded experience and I feel like we got the most out of our time there.

Losing It. (Sara)

Yesterday, I hit a low point. At least I hope I did. I stood on a street corner and screamed at my kids for not wanting to take a walk. It's certainly not the only time I've yelled at someone on this trip, but it is the first time I did it publicly, loudly and with a slight frothing at the corners of my mouth. It's official: I need a break from my break.

In everyone's defense, and especially my own, the day before we spent 11 hours in cars and boats moving through remote parts of Laos to our next destination. There was a 2 hour car ride, followed by a boat, followed by another boat (because you have to switch boats at a dam), followed by a 3 hour drive to Luang Prabang. All of this without Wifi, I should add, in case that wasn't obvious. We all handled this journey remarkably well at the time, but what I didn't know was that we were all building up a combustible concoction of angst that added pressure like a soda can every time we hit a pothole on the wildly unkempt roads. So on this day, the mere suggestion of using their legs was enough to trigger the whine-fest that ensued. And that whining was all I needed to release my own pressure bomb in full view of some Lao women who didn't understand what I was saying, but nodded their heads in solidarity.

The first of many hours on the boat

Anyone could have seen it coming. Nobody should spend this much time with other humans. Especially small, mentally underdeveloped humans with limited impulse control and unpredictable reactions who need to eat every 2 hours. The responsibility I feel to parent them is enormous and, on this trip in particular, non-fucking-stop. We eat every meal together, so that's at least 3 times a day, times 3 children, that I say things like "put your napkin in your lap", "chew with your mouth closed", "get your feet off the chair", and "sit down sit down sit down sit down". And that's just eating. Imagine all that needs to be said when walking through crowded markets, across busy streets where traffic rules do not apply, swimming in pools where other people are trying to relax, learning how to interact with each other without leaving bruises, respecting thy parents, and let's not even get started on school work. Somewhere in my mind, I thought that having all of this together time would allow me to give them a crash course in manners and good behavior and churn out 3 perfectly charming and well-behaved little geniuses. In reality, none of them has showered in a week and we literally had to pry a sharp knife out of Max's hands last night as he was trying to saw a table in half. Either I am failing miserably or my expectations are way off. It's likely a combination of the two.

The good news is that I really like my husband. Two months together of nearly constant interaction is a risky move for any marriage, but he's the least annoying person I know and doesn't question me when I say things like "I'm going for a walk. I'll be back Thursday". And so instead I come back a couple of hours later, somewhat mentally refreshed, often with a bag full of retail therapy, and with the will to spend another day with my kids searching for a few minutes of mental solitude while answering questions, issuing directions, and breathing deeply. With 3 weeks left of travel, we might need to throw a little more money at babysitters, massages and wine to rekindle our best selves and power through the inevitable hard parts. There is still magic to be found in each day. I just need to be a little buzzed right now to see it.

My, Oh Chiang Mai (Sara)

We went big in Chiang Mai. It was the longest amount of time we've spent anywhere and the most action-packed. It also intersected with a much-needed visit with friends from home and hitting the halfway point of our trip. Warning: this is a long one, mostly so I can remember what we did, not because I expect anyone to read all the way through. Except my mom. Hi Mom!

Where we Stayed:
Sakorn Residence - This place was average at best, but also pretty inexpensive for a 2-bedroom apartment, so I can't really complain. Except I will just a little. I referred to it as "the dorm". The rooms were sparsely furnished, they refused to put a trash can in the kitchen, the shower flooded the bathroom floor, the pool was too cold, and it generally lacked any character for a city so full of it. On the upside, it was very clean, there was a decent breakfast included, we had plenty of space, and it was close to restaurants and shopping. All in all, it was functional but not memorable.

Where we Ate:
We've had a lot of meals at the standard Thai restaurant that would be great at home, but here is just the norm, and then there are a few that stand out. The standouts in Chiang Mai were:

• Hinlay Curry & Forest Bake- We ate at Hinlay the last day and regretted that we hadn't eaten there every day. It was directly next to our hotel, but the hours were funky so we didn't make it over there at the right times during the week. The signature Hinlay Curry dish was delish, and it was tucked into a lovely little garden alongside Forest Bake, where we spent a good number of calories while watching Chinese and Japanese tourists snap selfies.
• The Swan - Great Burmese restaurant in the old town. Burmese food isn't that much different than Thai food, but different enough that it was a welcome change. We had the waiter order the best dishes for us and he was spot on. Highly recommend. 
• Chada Cafe - Went here for lunch and it was just what we needed after a morning of touring Chiang Mai. The kids erupted in cheers when we arrived, but mostly because they realized we weren't going to another temple. You turn off a couple of neighborhood roads and find yourself on a little farm, with a wide green lawn, an ostrich and pony on one end, a pen of baby goats, another of baby chicks, and a bunch of rope swings. Hallelujah. There's nothing better than a restaurant where adults can sit and eat and kids can run and play.

• Night Markets - Some of the best food in any Thai city is found at the night markets. It's open every night and the locals eat here regularly. You can get everything from Pad Thai and noodle soup to pig intestines and fried insects. We opted for the former. The Saturday and Sunday walking markets are bigger versions of the neighborhood night markets and draw a huge crowd, along with a lot more options. 

• Eat is Life - Dylan and I had lunch here on our girls' outing to the Nimman area and I nearly cried when I saw the array of fresh vegetables. There are plenty of cooked vegetables in Thailand soaked in sauces, but raw veggies and salads aren't common and we've been warned not to eat them anyway since they've likely been rinsed in water that could be tainted. I decided to take the risk here and it paid off. I've never been so happy to eat a salad.

What we Did:
There is SO much to do in Chaing Mai. We were there for 10 days and could have easily stayed longer. Seeing friends from home made it extra special. We're a month into the trip and really loved having other people to talk to and experience things with. It created a positive disruption to our patterns and travel dynamics that breathed new life into the next phase of the trip.

• Pattara Elephant Farm - I wouldn't be surprised if this day emerges from the 2 months of activities as the favorite. The experience of being up close and personal with these giant and clever animals was really unique. We learned about their rehabilitation efforts, bonded with our own assigned elephants, and somehow thought it was totally appropriate to get in a pool of water filled with their poop to wash them. 

• Cooking Class - Not the typical cooking class, we visited with a Thai family, toured their house and "garden" (more like a jungle filled with edible and medicinal herbs, fruits, and spices), and finally sat down to chop, mash, mix and cook an unbelievable meal in the outdoor kitchen, which Tyler described as the "best meal he's ever had". Side note: leading up to the trip, I really thought Max might starve while we were here. He takes picky eating to a new level and genuinely has a phobia of fruits and vegetables (won't even sit at the same table with one), but he's made a few very small steps through experiences like this one, and has managed to stay alive on plain noodle soup and cereal with milk.

• Muay Thai Class - A bit of non-tourist activity, while still experiencing something common to the Thai culture. At home, we'd call this a boxing class. But when you call it Muay Thai, we can call it a cultural experience. Whatever you call it, it was really fun to do this as a family and to sweat for reasons other than standing still in the heat.

• The Trek - I need to break this down a little because there's so much wrapped up into these 2 days. 
• Getting There: Our guide, a man of probably 70 years old (or possibly 40 with a lot of sun exposure), picked us up and we drove first to a market to gather our dinner ingredients, stopped to visit a school, and then to the start of the trail. We hiked for 2-3 hours through dense and often steep forest trails. There was a lot of whining. It was hot. We stopped a lot and our guide glared at us. There were 12 of us (5 of us, 5 McMahons, 2 Bernikers), which is a lot for a hiking group. He tried to teach us about the plants and the area, but nobody really cared or listened. Which probably explains the glaring. We arrived at the village around 5:00.

• The Village: This village was only settled in the last 30 years. There are maybe 20 small huts where people slept, shared outhouses with cold water showers, and the large open hut that we slept in at one end of the village. Our guide cooked in a kitchen near our sleeping area and there were tables outside where we ate and hung out. Throughout the village, there were kids playing cards or running around. There were dogs, chickens and pigs in and out of pens. There seemed to be more children than adults. Most of the paths were dirt, but there was one paved road that ran through the village. There was no electricity, but there must have been some solar or battery power because there was a cooler with cold beer and soda for us and there were a couple of lights at night. There was a huge bucket that collected rain water in the middle of the village with a spout at the bottom. I assume people used that for cooking or bathing. Our guide explained NONE of this to us. He basically disappeared once we arrived, only coming out to feed us, tell a very long story about the dance that was performed by the villagers, and collect us for the return trip in the morning. We slept on thin mattresses lined up on raised platform under mosquito nets. Once Max stopped screaming about someone stealing his pillow (nobody did), we woke up a few hours later to the roosters crowing. For some reason, we all thought roosters crowed once to announce the sunrise and that was it. Not so. They started at 2:30am and basically kept going until after daylight. Nobody slept well. The next morning, all of the villagers came out to set up a market with handmade crafts and jewelry. Just for us. No pressure. The return hike was much easier and we stopped at the "Sticky Waterfall" on the way home, which was unexpectedly awesome. You could climb right up the waterfall due to the nature of porous limestone that provides a grip for climbing. 

The village from a distance

Our sleeping quarters

Buatong Waterfall

• Ruminations: I spent a lot of time thinking during our trek. I watched the 2 little Thai girls, probably 8 or 9 years old, that accompanied us from their school to the village bounding around in flip flops, climbing trees, picking fruit and joyfully jumping out at us around each curve to scare us. Then compared that to our own girls, who trudged along slowly, commenting on every bug bite, scrape and thirst, and generally unaccustomed to discomfort. I thought about our playroom at home, with overflowing bins of toys. Most of which nobody plays with. Changing that will be the first thing I do when I get home. And I thought about happiness. Granted, we were only there for less than 24 hours, but the people in this village seemed genuinely content with their lives. They sang and danced and played. They had what they needed. They operated as a community. It really made me evaluate all of the things we do to be "happy" and fill our lives with materials and experiences. I think it can be a lot simpler than it is. 
• Flight of the Gibbons - (back to filling our lives with experiences that make us happy!) Hours of zip-lining fun through the treetops. Really well-run operation. Jon, ever the camp director, commented multiple times on course inspection and safety protocols, but everything seemed up to snuff. Also, none of us fell off the 100 foot platforms, so there's that. 

• Downtime - After our friends left and we had a few free days, we just chilled. After so many days of activity, this was as meaningful as anything else we did. We went to the mall (which puts our malls to shame), played in arcades, visited cat cafes, saw a movie, and got take-out from the food court. The significance is in how insignificant this was. Sometimes we just need to slow it all down for a few days.

Overall Impressions:

I loved so many things about Chiang Mai and our time here. Even just driving through town and seeing ornate temples next to 7-11s next to massage parlors next to ruins of old fortress walls was something to admire. The pulse of the markets and the colors of the tribal wares and the smell of Durian when you enter the Warorot Market will be remembered. And I love that our stories from this part of the trip include friends who added a whole other dimension to our experiences.

The Village with No Wifi (Tyler)

Editor's Note: The first version of this blog broke my heart a little. It was all about how painful it was to experience 2 days without Wifi. I reminded Tyler of all the things we had seen those 2 days. The way we had witnessed a life so different than our own. The challenge of hiking for hours through a dense forest. The village children who didn't speak our language but instantly befriended us. The woman we came across while hiking that was cooking a breakfast of ant eggs, mango leaves and a bird on a stick. All of these things that left such a deep impression on me and which I hoped would leave an impression of gratitude and awareness on my kids. Tyler's response: "I didn't really notice any of that." 
I asked him to take another crack at writing, which he did, but the truth is, his version of events and observations are different than mine. I'd like to think that's because kids are innately adaptable. Maybe they don't think flush toilets are a big deal. Maybe they see those basic huts as just a place where people live and sleep, like their own multi-room, painted and furnished houses full of toys and electronics back home. Maybe the language of play communicates more to them than spoken words. Or maybe my kids are shallow, technology-obsessed gremlins. Either way, this version is Tyler's truth, and his memories, while somewhat inaccurate, are his own. - Sara


The trek is a long hike to a village with no technology and a fun experience. Here is a sneak peak:

/we hiked/we relaxed at the village/we chased chickens/we left.

2 days ago we went to a village with no Wi-Fi or technology. It was very very painful.

Trying to build a cellular tower out of bamboo

First we hiked for 3-4 hours. When we got to the village we sat down and relaxed. We chose our beds and it took me a while to choose my bed. Then we went to sleep and the mom chicks and baby chicks were really loud. It took me a very long time to go to sleep. The next morning I had breakfast and chased chickens and baby chicks. I got to hold one of the babies and feed them. It was so cute and adorable that I didn't want to leave them. Then I went to see some pigs and there were about 10 of them. I pet every single one of them. I was very sad I had to leave them. I had lots of fun there without technology. There were a lot of fun things to do there too.

Chickens / Alarm Clocks

The kids that were there had no electricity. Imagine you had no electricity. What would you do? No technology means no oven, no microwave, no toaster, no chainsaws to cut wood and no lights. No computer, no iPhone, no TVs, no newspaper. No milk unless you have a cow or goat. No cars. You just feed chickens and run around and sleep.

Children without technology

Then we went to a waterfall. It was really fun. We got to climb up it and I climbed up two times. My friend climbed up it three times. Then we went back to the hotel and that was the story of The Village with no Wi-Fi.

Elephants (Dylan)

Today we went to ride elephants.

First, we met up in a shady area and the guy told us about the elephants. He asked us to put on this shirt so you don't get dirty. Next, we went to meet our elephants. We got to feed them and pet them. They even hugged you. I also got a kiss. It feels wet and gooey.

After, we got to brush them with a bunch of leaves. Next, we got to wash them with water. They were wet for a little but they dry pretty quick. Then it was time to ride them. My elephant's name was Pytasco. Some people had to ride with one of the staff because they were too young. I didn't. We got on our elephant. When we went down the hill we had to lean back. When we went up we had to lean forward. It took us a while and then we had to cross the road.

I was first to go, but before I did my elephant saw a truck and started running the other way. Finally it stopped. It was scary. I felt like I was going to fall down. When we crossed the road we were pretty much there. It was very cool. We had lunch. It was good. It was set on leaves as a table cloth. Then we got to go in the water with our elephants. We got to sit on them and brush them. Mine stoop up in the water when I was brushing it. At the end, we got to ride the elephants back a little until we got to the road. We had to say bye. It was sad. Then we went back.

The End.

Another 4-Letter Word (Sara)

Like a scene from a horror movie...I'm reading my book at the pool, a shadow suddenly blocks the sun, a drop of water falls on my Kindle, the music from Jaws starts to play in my head, and I hear those 5 dreaded words: "Will you play with me?"

I like to think I'm a fun mom. I dance around when I'm making dinner, I dress up on Halloween, and I take my kids out of school for months to travel to faraway places. So the other day when my kids threw out the unanimous accusation that I don't PLAY with them enough, I was shocked. My first thought was "Are you still talking? I'm trying to read." And then, "Why do you think I had three kids? Go play with each other." But then I noticed the pattern of the lounge chair material permanently imprinted on my leg and gave it some more thought.

The whole point of this trip is for us to experience new things together, to participate in activities that are outside of our comfort zones, and to be present in what we're doing. What am I teaching them if I'm choosing to be present from the sidelines? The memories we're making are just as much about playing in the pool and games of Uno as they are about visiting temples and Buddhas. I want them to be people who DO things, not just observe and take pictures of things, and I want to be one of those people too.

So for the last 2 days, I've said YES to everything. I said YES when Dylan wanted to play hide-and-seek in the pool (think about that for a minute - it's a rectangle), I said YES to going on waterslides over and over at Splash Jungle, I said YES to countless games of Uno and Tenzi. I said YES to  Fusball, and even taught Tyler how to play Blackjack (#lifeskills). I won't pretend I loved every second of it. Most of these things are meant to be enjoyed by kids and I'm not one of them. My game-playing wheelhouse typically involves red Solo cups. But the big picture looks a lot more colorful because I got out there and played my ass off.

I can't promise I'll keep up this pace, and I hope I won't have to once there are other kids around, but I will make an effort to play more. I'll try to say YES more than I say NO. I'll get my hair wet when I'm swimming. I'll order play-doh pizza at the pretend restaurant. I'll act interested and nod my head when Tyler shows me his Minecraft world. But I will NOT get on anything that spins around. That's where I draw the line.

A Loveletter to Krabi (Sara)

Dear Krabi,
It wasn't any one thing about you that stole our hearts, but more the collection of sites, sounds and circumstance that etched a deep impression on us. We were all our best selves there, appreciating different things in the same moments, weaving a fabric of memories that we will hold close. The landscape was like nothing we've ever seen - the breathtaking rock outcroppings dotting the horizon and the color of the water intensely blue or green or crystal clear, depending where you looked. We even loved your weird amusement park and our playful nightly dinner guests. We'll be back one day.

We dig you, Krabi.
Love,
The Derens

Where we stayed:
Banburi Villa - I found it on VRBO, and agonized over this choice for many hours. I wanted to have a non-hotel experience, but I couldn't tell how far it was from the town and beaches, if the pictures were really as good as they looked, and if the house even existed at all after reading about travelers being scammed by fake listings. Fortunately, it all worked out just fine.

The villa (or "house" as we call it in America) was perfectly imperfect. It looked just like the pictures, but a little more worn. The carved teak details gave it character, along with small gaps in the window frames that let in slivers of sunlight and humidity. The washing machine's hose had to be aimed out the back door when in use to let the water out. The pillows were rock hard and the air conditioning was maybe 75% effective.

Each night we would sit on the back deck and watch lizards dart around the walls as we ate dinner. The kids from next door would come over to play in the pool or share video game strategies. Roosters could be heard in the next yard while the kids played. Our hosts, Chris and Bee, shared with us the perfect beaches, showed us the best down-a-dirt-road restaurant, and helped arrange activities and transportation around the area. It felt like Thailand. For each of the minor discomforts, there were way more sensory impressions that will stay with us longer than any hotel or resort would have.

Where we ate
On the first day there, I took a trip to the Makro, Thailand's much smaller equivalent of a Costco. A shopping trip that should have taken me 10 minutes took about 40, thanks to the unusual foods and local shopping norms. Fruit and produce were weighed at a counter in the middle of the store, which of course I didn't know. Meat was scooped by hand out of an open refrigerator using a plastic bag. "International" foods, like pasta and tortillas, could be found amongst frozen fish parts and a thousand varieties of rice noodles. I had to watch what others were doing to figure it all out since I couldn't ask anyone. Fortunately, everything was labeled in Thai and English, so I was able to confirm that the round fruit that looked like a pear was, in fact, a pear. It's amazing how disorienting even the most mundane things can be as a foreigner.

With groceries in hand (literally...I found out once I got to the register that they don't provide bags), we had a well-stocked kitchen to get us through a lot of our meals during the week. We'd eat breakfast at home, usually lunch out, and then order takeout from our favorite restaurant, Hello Blue Monkey, for dinner when everyone was too zonked from the day to venture back out.

We ate a lot of mangos. I drank a lot of coconut smoothies. Jon ate cashew chicken for dinner almost every night.

What we did
Our list of activities reads like a pretty typical tourist itinerary. And of course, that's what we were, but there's such a mix of people in Krabi, that it felt more like we were a part of a culture of travelers. On every beach, we'd see scraggly backpackers, loads of full-figured, middle-aged Russians, all wearing very skimpy bathing suits, and plenty of Thai locals playing with their kids.

Here were some of the highlights:

• Island Hopping - We hired a captain and a longtail boat for half a day to visit a couple of the islands off the coast (2000 THB/~63 USD) . The island were lovely, but it was something about the ride and the sand and the sun and the SCENERY (OMG the scenery) that created this perfect blend of happiness. At the last island stop, we got corn on the cob from a little hut and it was the BEST corn on the cob we've ever had. Except it probably wasn't. It was just that kind of day where everything was the best ever. Also, we went snorkeling and that was awesome, too.

• Seventh Heaven - It was like we had a dream about an amusement park and there was a tinny soundtrack of carnival music playing in the background and there were rides and a pool with slides and giant windmills on a hill and NOBODY ELSE WAS THERE. Except it wasn't a dream. I will call it Bizzare-o-Land. The kids rode a small roller-coaster that the attendant actually had to push up parts of the track because it didn't have enough power to make it around. I'm sure it was very safe. Just like the chicken skewer that Jon bought from the concession stand for 10 THB (32 cents).

• Aa Namao Beach Club - This place just had a certain feel to it. There was a gorgeous beach with limestone karts in the background. There were twisty shady trees with hammocks and rope swings. There was a restaurant that served delicious Thai food AND spaghetti bolognese (yay for Max), and there was a separate pavilion for massages (yay for me and Jon). Oh, and there were a bunch of stray dogs that only attempted to eat Max that one time. Tyler named them all. One was called Smith Sniff. I feel that's important to mention. We really loved this place.

• Railay Beach - If I had an extra few days to spend in this area, it would have been at Railay Beach. It's right next to the slightly seedy section of beach, Ao Nang, but you can only access it by boat because of the steep cliffs that separate the two areas. Once you water-taxi over there, you feel like you're in a different world. There are quaint little alley ways from one beach to another, more beautiful views, and a general sense of seclusion even though there are plenty of people and hotels around. We rented kayaks to explore the area and found our way through a couple of caves. At any point, we could hop out of the kayaks and snorkel. We drank some more fruit smoothies (50 THB/1.60 USD) and ate Roti (Thai pancakes). So good, all around.

Overall Impressions

Maybe it was because it was our first time feeling like we were settling in to this journey. Maybe it was the scenery or the mangos or the rooster or the fish that swarmed us when we swam and made us shriek into our snorkel tubes, or maybe it was all of the things together. It was blissful but not polished. It was relaxed but not indulgent. It was just right in so many ways.

Adventures in Krabi (Tyler)

I got to play with kids named Niyo and Marco. They live in Krabi, Thailand. Their dad owns the house that we stayed in. Niyo is 9 years old and Marco is 6 years old. We got to play in the pool and play video games like Stickman wars:legends and other games as well. We had lots of fun. But we mostly played in the pool.

I saw a lot of dogs and cats. It was cool and also I saw a money jump off a roof and go on a tree. Then I saw another monkey that was walking on the beach. It walked like a dog would.

We got to go on a horse and go along the beach. The horse went fast. The horse was moving so much that it was shaking my body. But then when I was on it for a while l got used to the shaking and it wasn't that bad. 

After that we ate on the beach and I got to play with the dogs after I ate the food. I got two drinks because the food came with a drink and I ordered a drink as well, and I got a nice bowl of Spaghetti. Also i got to go on a Tuk Tuk and a Tuk Tuk van. 

$1=30 B. B=thai money witch is called bot. I get 300 B every week to buy souvenirs and I have 600 B right now on Feb 11. That means that on Feb 17 I will get another 300 B.

To be continued...

The DL on Bangkok (Sara)

We're nearly two weeks in, and the days are really starting to fly by. Before it all flies right out of my head, here's the download on where we started: Bangkok.

The city is huge and so very crowded. There are 10 million people living in Bangkok and it seems that each one of them is driving somewhere every minute of every day. The air quality was so bad while we were there that they closed the schools. It felt like you were chewing dust when you walked outside. Despite this mild health hazard, we had a truly fantastic 5 days there.

Bangkok is a mix of so many things that it was like an instant cultural infusion. The sites, sounds, and smells let us know we were not in Kansas anymore, Toto. We typically did one excursion a day to give ourselves time to adjust to the time difference and set a slow and steady pace for the long stretch of activities ahead. We saw just enough and took a pass on the "shoulds" in the guide books, opting instead for the "what looks good" and "how much time do we have before our kids need to eat again". Afternoon pool time was a daily reward for surviving the brutal heat of the day.

Where we stayed: Maitria Hotel - totally fine. Not fancy but clean and comfortable. We had a 2 bedroom suite (because regular hotel rooms don't typically accommodate 5 people), there was a rooftop pool, and American-style breakfast was served downstairs each morning.

What we did:

1. Imaginia Playland: The perfect kid-friendly place to start our trip. It was a well-developed indoor playground of 21st century skills disguised as fun activities. It was delightful and also really close to our hotel, which made everyone happy. It was also inside one of the many, many malls in Bangkok, which appealed to my Jersey roots.
   
2. The Markets - We hit the railway market and the floating market with a guide. Having the private guide was necessary, as it was over an hour away and she explained some of the foods and had us try things we wouldn't have known about (like these flower-shaped sesame funnel cakes that I don't know the name of). It was a little disappointing that we didn't see the train come through the railway market. The whole draw there is that the market vendors all scoop up their stuff from the tracks and pull in their canopies to let the train pass. It only comes 4 times a day though, and our timing didn't line up. The floating market was also a hair less interesting than expected, BUT the totally unexpected and random zoo in the parking lot outside the market was a big hit. I stuffed down the animal cruelty voices in my head long enough to feed those sad camels and sheep some scallions and then got the heck out of there.
   
   
   
   
3. The Snake Farm - This will be the thing we all remember. PSA: Snakes can't really hear or see, but they can sense movement through vibrations. If you encounter a snake, stand still or back slowly away. If I can save just one person's life through this blog post, I'll know it's all been worth it.
   
4. The Massages:  $8 for a 60 minute foot rub. OMG. Thai massage spots are as common as nail salons in NYC. And before my naughty friends start formulating comments in their heads (you know who you are), these places were NOT offering any off-menu services. Believe me. I asked. (I'm kidding. I didn't.)

Where we ate: 

We pretty much worked off of this blog post (thanks, Karps) and a Thai Street Food book (thanks, Matt Haynes) and I am happy to report that NOBODY has gotten sick yet! (Just like if you pack an umbrella, it won't rain...if you pack a suitcase full of Immodium, your tummy will be A-OK)

A few favs:

1. Rot dee set
2. 392/20 Sukhumvit Rd (this is the address, not the name. I'm pretty sure there was no English language name on it. It's a tiny hole in the wall in an alley serving noodle soups for a dollar that were SO good.
3. Indulge - I wanted to hate this place because it looked more like NYC than Thailand, but the food was delish and the cocktails were made with fresh fruit purees. It was also the first cocktail I had in Thailand AND we were out without the kids AND we had just had that 60 minute foot massage beforehand, so there were just a lot of good impressions going on here.

Overall Impressions:

It's gritty but has so much to see and do. It feels very safe. At one point we passed a bike parking area where not one bike was locked up. They take their Buddhist principles seriously. The food is outrageously good and cheap if you know where to go. Our guide told us that most of the apartments don't have kitchens because everyone eats from the street vendors. The guide was helpful because there were specific things we wanted to do and there were a lot of unknowns, but the train, taxis and tuk tuks are easy enough to navigate if you want to wing it. If I went back, I'd probably stay closer to the river on the other side of town. For us, 5 days was just right, if not one day too long. The beach is definitely more my jam.

Chasing Roosters (Sara)

Our kids are 10, 8, and 6 years old, and I think I can say with some certainty that we have hit that fleeting moment in raising children that is known as “The Sweet Spot”.

Now, don’t get me wrong. They are far from perfect and the non-stop parenting to steer them to safety and decency is exhausting every. single. day. At any given moment, you can hear me barking “keep your hands to yourself”, “stop whining”, “enough with the screens”, or an occasional muttered profanity for good measure. There’s a reason I go to work every day.

And yet here we are in this vortex of togetherness, and I can’t think of a better moment in time to share this adventure with them.

For starters, they’re old enough to carry their own bags. My sherpa duties have been nearly eliminated thanks to their oversized backpacks and desire to keep their electronics close to their bodies at all times. But besides that logistical milestone, there are a few other reasons that this time in their lives and ours is one we’ll probably wish we had back one day.

1. Finding the awesome: When given a choice of standing 4 feet from a deadly snake or visiting a big house where a king used to live, they’ll choose the snake every time. Even riding a train in a new city is cause for excitement. And after we drove 2 hours to visit some traditional thai markets, they spent 20 minutes chasing a rooster around a parking lot. Chasing roosters is the sweet spot. It’s that age where they find joy in the things that we adults stopped noticing a long time ago. Seeing it through their eyes is our sweet spot.
2. They like us. They really like us: Our kids still want to be with us. All the time. They want to sit next to us, sleep in our bed, hold our hands, and visit us in the bathroom. They think we’re cool and smart and they laugh at all our jokes. That kind of validation is exactly why I had kids in the first place, so I am fully embracing this period in time before they call my bluff on made-up explanations and start rolling their eyes at my cheesey humor. For now, the wanting to be with us makes traveling together kind of nice. Nobody has tried to escape yet. 
3. So many questions: They are curious about everything and they’re at an age where they actually ask good questions. Watching them take in new information and put the pieces of their world together gives me hope that they will be interesting people, live productive lives, get jobs, and take care of us when we’re old. Because that’s the other reason we had kids.
4. The unicorn: Every so often, I encounter a scene that I try to freeze in my brain to wash away all of the less-gratifying moments of parenting we encounter on a daily basis. When they were babies, all it took was a smile to counter-balance the exhaustion of a sleepless night. Now, those moments have evolved into something more meaningful and those magical mental snapshots are the fuel for my mama engine. The other day, as we touched down at the airport in Krabi, Max, in all of his going-to-a-house-with-a-pool-excitement, hugged me and said "thank you for bringing us here". Today, I watched all three kids make up games and play together in the pool like the best of friends. These unicorn moments seem to be more frequent here, away from the demands of work and school. Or maybe I'm just paying more attention now. Either way, those moments are the icing on the Sweet Spot cake. 

Islands (Dylan)

Today we went to two islands. The first one was a beach on an island. We swam in the water. Me and Max made sand castles. We had a competition to see whose was better. Mommy was the judge. Nobody won.

My sandcastle

The water was warm. On our way to the next place, we saw some small islands and some big islands. The rocks on the islands looked bumpy. Some of the rocks fell off the islands so it looked like a cave. It was really cool.

Chicken Island

The next place we went to was not an island. We parked in a little area and snorkeled. It was so much fun. We saw so many fish. It was a little scary. The water kept on getting in my mouth. It was salty.

Tyler snorkeling

Then we went to another island. It was really hot. We had chips and corn. It was delicious. The water was aqua - very pretty.

Then we went to Hello Blue Monkey. It was a restaurant. We saw cats and kitties. They were really cute. I got fruit and watermelon juice. It was really good. Then we went back to the house and went in the pool.

This cat's name was Hello

The End.